Bickford Schmeckler's Cool Ideas?

Netflix's watch it now feature is an interesting supplement to their mail-order video rental service. Most of the videos that are available tend to be slightly older or more obscure. Often these movies are obscure for a reason, but sometimes there is a good movie or at least a movie that will make you think hidden in their expansive catalog. I don't know about you, but I would rather watch a bad movie that makes me think than a mediocre movie that I forget almost as soon as the credits roll.

Bickford Schmeckler's Cool Ideas. That is the name of the movie I just watched. It seems the writer and director of the film intentionally picked the worst name he could think of for the movie. If this was his intention he may have succeeded although I think that is probably not a good idea. I'm sure it at least seemed like a cool idea to him at the time.

The lead character in the movie, Bickford Schmeckler, is played by the kid from Almost Famous (his actual name is Patrick Fugit). He is a lonely college student who has spent most of the past two years writing down said cool ideas. An inebriated college student played by the incredibly beautiful actress who plays 13 on the television show House (Her real name is Olivia Wilde. Hopefully you are already familiar with her because you watch House, which is a show that everyone I know who has watched it enjoys, in fact if you rent Season 1 on dvd you are guaranteed to end up watching the whole thing in as little time as humanly possible, only taking a few breaks for the bathroom and other necessary intrusions that your everyday life will inevitably make.) steals the book of cool ideas after having read it at a toga party at Bickford's house and being moved thoroughly by this book of ideas that we soon come to realize are not just cool they apparently cause nearly everyone who reads the book's life to be fundamentally changed by the experience. I can't say the same for my experience with the movie, but it did make me think some. There were a few interesting ideas thrown out in the course of the movie, but for most of the movie I was distracted by Bickford's utter lack of care for anyone or anything other than the book that he lost. The most baffling thing to me was that he was so consumed by this that he rejected the advances of 13 on numerous occasions (sorry I keep referring to her as that but House called her that for so long on the show that even though they now finally gave her real name on the show I don't remember it and while I do know the actress' real name I will still call her 13 as I am used to it now.) This girl like 13 on House is not only a rare beauty but also intelligent, unlike 13 she is not a train-wreck and it is possible that she may be too incredible to be believable as a real character. She is so impressed by Bickford's book that she instantly falls for him and soon leaves her boyfriend to pursue him. I found it incomprehensible that this guy would still be miserable and could not see how lucky he was to have such a wonderful girl who felt so strongly about him. Then I thought about it and I could actually see myself managing to screw up a similar situation. I have a habit of doing similar things although probably not to the extent he does. After a certain point you really wonder why she or anyone feels any connection to this terribly unhappy guy. There is a late plot twist that comes completely out of left field and feels like a bit of cheating on behalf of the writer it does however help you begin to understand why Bickford has been acting in the manner he has for the rest of the film.

I don't want to get into too much of the rest of the plot or to too heavily criticize the movie as I do think despite some obvious shortcomings overall the movie was an enjoyable experience and probably better than a lot of movies about college students that are much more popular. One other aspect of the movie I would like to comment on though is how Bickford is not really comfortable with making money off of his book. This seems to be the attitude of many artists who feel that to profit off their work diminishes the work in some way and I think that is too bad. If the writer had come up with a better name for the movie maybe it wouldn't be buried in a queue of Netflix movies with not much media attention other than being mentioned in a post from a blog that has ten readers if we are being generous. Maybe that was his intention all along. Wow. That is a pretty cool idea I just came up with... man. Maybe I should write a sequel to Bickford's book. My name is probably more ridiculous than Bickford's although it might cause the movie to get an NC-17 rating which would greatly reduce the profitability of the movie. I'm sure that's an idea that Bickford would think was awfully cool.

Free Online TV

The title of this post sounds like it belongs in the spam folder of your email account along with offers promising everlasting gargantuan erections and an easy way to make millions from home. A few years ago that may have been the case, but it is becoming easier to watch many of your favorite shows online for free. Most of you have probably heard of Hulu.com, if you haven't you should probably check it out, but there is another site that now allows you to watch full episodes of many of your favorite shows online. That site is called beta.sling.com. Not all shows are available and some of the shows that are available are clips instead of full episodes. Either way if you are looking to forgo television entirely and want to watch episodes of the Office online or if you wanted to watch a really funny show that your friends have been telling you about like It's Alway Sunny in Philadelphia you can now do so right from your computer without paying anything. It does sound too good to be true. Maybe there really is a Nigerian Prince who wants me to loan him some money...

Hollywood Magic: One Crazy Summer with Cool Hand Luke

Today I was reminded of the magic of Hollywood. There used to be a time when young people were inspired by the movies they saw on the silver screen. Maybe they would dream of some day growing up to be an actor or a filmmaker, but more likely something they saw in one of those movies was the impetus for the creation of a dream not to be in Hollywood but to be like one of the characters they saw on the screen.

Cool Hand Luke which I saw today in its entirety for the first time surely inspired millions of young men and boys all over the world. Imagine a young boy from Japan small in stature, but with huge impossible dreams that would some day bring him across the world to New York City where he likely inspired other young people with a dream of their own. The boy dreamed that someday he would grow up and eat 50 eggs like Cool Hand Luke. His schoolmates would tease him and tell him it was impossible for anyone to eat 50 eggs, but he knew that was the way Luke's fellow inmates felt and he would show everyone just like old Cool Hand Luke did. Even he never imagined that someday he would eat over 50 hot dogs, including the buns, to win the Nathan's Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Competition. That boy was none other than the world famous competitive eater himself Takiro Kobayashi. Just let that sink in for a minute. Seriously just stop reading and pause and think of how amazing that is before you move on to the next paragraph. Ok I appreciate you pausing like I asked you, but now I would like to add a quick aside before we move on to the next paragraph. There is a scene in the movie where an incredibly beautiful buxom woman comes out to wash her car in front of the cons while they dig a ditch. She is clearly teasing them and probably many future cons thought to themselves that if and when they did go to prison there was at least some hope for romance or the tease of seeing a beautiful woman encouraging you to believe so. Sadly later prison movies taught us that there is usually nothing romantic about any of the sex and often those who tease you about sex in prison do so in a much more menacing way.

Another movie that I saw a few minutes of yesterday was One Crazy Summer with John Cusack. It is one of those classic teen comedies that could only have been made in the 80's. Watching a scene where they were at a dance club reminded me of a time when a white man with no real rhythm would not be mocked for his lack of skills and could actually do pretty well for himself as long as he could do the one basic 80's white guy dance move that everyone else did. I would like to again ask you to pause this time in a moment of silence for the white guys who can't dance who can no longer go to a dance club without fear of being mocked for dancing white. I wouldn't know personally because as far as you know I can cut a fairly decent rug when I am in the mood for cutting rugs or of course if I am served by a member of a rival dance gang. Another thing that was of course true in the 80's but is sadly no longer the case is that at the end of a great Cinderella victory by a group of ragtag teenagers in a sailing regatta championship the rich extremely attractive girl no longer feels the urge to dump the obnoxious spoiled rich kid for one of the lesser crewman on said ragtag sailing team who has absolutely no charisma. Believe me I learned this the hard way when I spent the summer building my own boat for the 2001 Nantucket Regatta. The winner's trophy is a crushing reminder to this day of that summer I wasted building that boat. Oh well live and learn as they say.

As most of you probably know Paul Newman died recently. I did not grow up wanting to be like Paul Newman or any of the characters in his movies, like millions of young people before me did, mostly because I was not familiar with his movies until I got older. I wanted to be a baseball player or to work in health insurance or some other such glamorous job. Simon and Garfunkel famously said in their song Mrs. Robinson, where have you gone Joe Dimaggio a nation turns it's lonely eyes to you and later in the song they sang Joltin Joe has left and gone away. Well the truth of the matter as far as I can tell is that Joe Dimaggio was always a deuchebag. I am not just saying that because he played for the Yankees. Every account I have heard of him over the years referred to him as a bitter stingy man who did not really like anyone. He was a really good baseball player, but apparently that did not make him a really good person off the field. Paul Newman was a great actor. He was a loyal husband to the same woman for decades which doesn't happen anymore in Hollywood or most other places for that matter. He took up driving race cars late in life and eventually bought his own race car team that won multiple championships in the Champ Car Series, which is now part of the merged Indy Racing League. He was a great humanitarian and philanthropist. He donated millions of dollars to his Hole in the Wall Gang charity through sales from his Newman's Own brand of food selling such items as Lemonade and Popcorn. More than anything else those who knew him marveled at his zest for life and how he still seemed to be passionate and youthful late in his life. The man was pure Hollywood magic in real life and on the big screen. To paraphrase Simon and Garfunkel Where have you gone Paul Newman, a nation turns it's lonely eyes to you... Cool Hand Luke has left us Lemonade... hey hey hey... hey hey hey.

24: My Redemption

Tonight I watched the new two hour movie 24: Redemption. It has been about a year and a half since the show was last on. The new season starts in January. Normally I would not post about the show 24 as though I have watched the show since its inception it is not really one of the shows I passionately watch anymore. Recently I was talking to a friend of mine who told me one of the reasons she was glad she was not with her ex-husband anymore was that she was not forced to watch 24 anymore. I confessed that I watch 24 and she did not even have to torture me to get that information from me.

Somehow I was embarrassed to admit that I watch this show, but why. First it is important to realize when this show first came on it was really a major breakthrough for television. I am not referring to the trend that soon followed to hire famous actors whose careers had trended downward in recent years as there have not been many other similar success in recent years. What I am referring to is the production quality of the show. Every show was like a blockbuster Hollywood movie. Sure the scripts sometimes left a bit to be desired and they tend to leave a lot to be desired in the last few years. At this point many take for granted the number of quality shows that are on television, but if it weren't for shows like 24 and Sopranos most television shows would not bother to spend the money necessary to make shows that cost that much to produce. The trend was to make the cheapest show possible because people were watching shows like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Because of the success 24, Sopranos and a few others that I am failing to mention there are now more quality shows on than ever before. I am not saying 24 compares to the Sopranos because it doesn't, but it was critical to convincing television networks to take a chance on more higher-budget shows. It may be difficult to remember, but it was fairly original at the time to stage each show to occur in a one hour episode that took place in real time. The clock counting down as it went to commercial added additional tension to what was already an action packed show.

In recent years it has been used as a reason to justify torture by members of Congress and some television and talk radio hosts. I personally would prefer Congress to have a mature conversation about the issue of torture, but I am not going to hold my breath waiting for it to happen. At this point I would be happy if they would at least read the legislation before voting on it. That's not likely either, but a man can dream. I am not sure if the friend who was referenced earlier in this posting is still in the habit of reading this blog. If she does still read it I would just like to say that I am sorry if my watching 24 has in some way altered your opinion of me. I was going to use as an excuse that although I don't condone torture it is a complex issue and Jack Bauer is a great American. I was also going to say how Jack Bauer and Peter Petrelli and Chuck Norris sometimes have to make tough decisions, but ultimately they are doing what they think is in the best interest of the American people. I changed my mind after seeing this clip which appears to be a deleted scene from the popular documentary the Goonies. Judge for yourself whether Jack Bauer sometimes crosses the line. Also it appears that even Jack Bauer is not always on the side of justice.

John Daly Update

Not too long ago I posted a story about professional golfer John Daly. You can find it in my archives listed on the left side of the page, but I will post the link to it anyway. http://bloggeroflamancha.blogspot.com/2008/11/due-to-my-recent-interest-in-nascar-and.html

If you haven't read the old posting I suggest to read it first. John Daly is if nothing else a fascinating character. There are very few celebrities or athletes with whom there seems to be nothing they could do to surprise us anymore. There are probably many other examples, but off the top of my head I will say Mike Tyson, Britney Spears and John Daly fit that description better than anyone. ESPN's Sportsguy Bill Simmons has written many stories about Mike Tyson along such lines so I won't bother with that. Britney Spears has done so many crazy things over the last few years that the only thing she could do that would surprise anyone would be to appear in the news for positive reasons. I don't listen to her music so I will have to take other people's word for it, but apparently she has made a comeback recently. From the pictures I have seen of her she looks pretty good too. I can say that is probably the most surprising thing of all. I did a google image search to try to find a picture of her to post with this story and there are some truly frightening pictures of her. In case I haven't mentioned this before I am willing to take down anything that is not owned by me. It seems that most blogs use pictures from the web without permission, but if anyone knows more about the rules of such things I am interested to hear them. Now to the point of this link a positive story about John Daly that reminds of the original reason he became famous. He is an extremely talented golfer. Not to say all of his problems are magically solved, but let's hope he is on his way. http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=3720693

Thanksgiving Rescue Plan

Many of you are experiencing anxiety as you are going to be seeing relatives that you haven't seen recently and maybe with good reason. Some of you are stressed because you are on a diet and you are going to be peer pressured to eat so much that you pass out in a carb-induced stupor. I recommend that all of you relax. If you are on a diet save that for the day after Thanksgiving if you are anxious about seeing relatives that you successfully avoided the rest of the year just let loose get drunk and eat lots of food. This advice is not meant for alcoholics, diabetics or those who have recently had that stomach stapling surgery. If you fall in one of those categories you are out of luck.
Times are tough all over especially in Detroit. I have a plan to end the suffering of millions of people all over the country. We'll call it the Thanksgiving Bailout. Actually the previous bailout bill did not pass until they changed the name from bailout to rescue or recovery instead. So we should probably call it the Thanksgiving Rescue Plan.

Usually you can try avoid everyone by watching football. Some years the games are good some years not so much. The NFL plays one game in Detroit and the other in Dallas every year. This is a tradition that the NFL has continued as a reward to those two franchises for agreeing to play on Thanksgiving years ago when no one else wanted to do so. I have heard some people state that the NFL should lift blackout restrictions in Detroit because the econonmy is worse in Detroit than anywhere else due to the struggles of the auto-industry. I understand that many people in Detroit can't afford to go to Lions games and it does seem cruel to not let them watch the games because they didn't sell enough tickets. It would also probably seem like piling on by getting rid of the tradition of having games in Detroit and Dallas every year. My rescue plan is to have those two cities rotate hosting one of the games. The other game could be played in a city other than Dallas or Detroit. Detroit does not have a win this season and is playing against Tennessee who is undefeated. I think watching the Lions is only adding to the stress level of people living in Detroit so maybe every other year they can spend Thanksgiving not watching the Lions. It is not possible to schedule a worse game than the Lions against the Titans. The only thing we can hope for is that Tennesse eats their Thanksgiving dinner prior to the game and went out the night before and partied on the night that has become the biggest drinking night of the year. If they are falling asleep all game in the middle of play and being taken back to the lockeroom for intervenous fluids there is a slight possiblity the game will be close. The Cowboys game is not a historically bad matchup, but the Cowboys are clearly better than the Seahawks. There is also a game on the NFL Network later that night, but no one gets that channel.

It is too late to implement the Thanksgiving Rescue Plan for this year so until then get drunk, eat as much food as humanly possible and try not to stress yourself out so much. Seriously it is a time to give thanks. Give thanks that we have an abundance of alcohol. Give thanks that even during a time where our economy is falling apart you are able to get together with friends and family and eat so much that you will have committed at least one of the seven deadly sins, maybe more if your relatives keep annoying you. I happen to like Thanksgiving. It doesn't stress me out at all. I will probably sleep through most of the second football game anyway. I'll wake up and have some pie and watch the rest of the game. I don't even usually drink on Thanksgiving, but I am thankful that if I choose to I have the option to do so. There are some things that I don't have that I wish I did (J.O.M.C. premium membership included) but I am not going to stress myself out about that right now. Maybe next year I will have those things that I wished for, but if not at least let there be one good football game on a channel that I can actually get. If you still can't cheer up despite any of this advice just look at the picture I included along with this post. If that does not make you laugh then there is no rescue plan which would lift your spirits.

Profile Picture Voting to End Immediately

First I would like to thank everyone who voted on which picture I should choose for my profile. It ended in a tie and thus I was left with a difficult decision. I was going to use the fifth picture, but since I have been using that picture on this blog I have received many messages from people telling me they like my new mustache. If I have to explain to people that it is not just a mustache, but also a goatee then it appears I need to take some new photos. I have decided to use a higher resolution camera for the new photo. I am also contemplating having someone else take the photo, but I think I will give the photographer one more shot as I think I can do much better the next time. I mean the photographer can do much better next time. Next time my plan is to just post a photo without a lot of fanfare. Not that this last photo contest created a lot of fanfare, but I am more than just a pretty face. That is not what this blog is about. Again if you really want to see those more photos of me just do a google image search. I have tried numerous times to have them removed, but they are still there so I guess if anyone finds enjoyment out of them maybe it isn't so bad to have them floating around on the internet.

Protect the Integrity of the Sportsbook

Much has been said of the erroneous call at the end of the Steelers game this past week. The Steelers won the game but did not cover the point spread, because of the aforementioned erroneous call people who bet on the Steelers lost large sums of money. The associated press has a more definitive description of the play if you are interested.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/football/nfl/scoreboards/2008/11/16/3106_viewcast_recap.html
I am not saying the call was intentionally made to cause the Steelers to lose by the spread, but there are some who believe this to be the case. (I did a google search after writing this blog and to my surprise there are actually people on the Internet who believe this was a conspiracy. I know I was surprised too, people on the Internet are usually not quick to believe in conspiracies without hard evidence that proves them true.) Many NFL columnists and analysts were outraged by the call which the NFL later admitted was the wrong call. Most of these analysts stated they didn't care about the gamblers, but they were instead upset the NFL didn't give the points to the Steelers after realizing their error because of a seldom-used point differential tiebreaker. I'm sure there are some who have taken the side of the gambler, but I haven't heard many do it publicly. (After doing a google search on the subject it seems I was wrong. There are many articles or posts on message boards advocating the position of the gamblers who were wronged because of the bad call. There are also many articles in mainstream publications that discuss the gambling implications of the call, but it is not an issue that is being given serious consideration by the NFL or most people who cover the NFL for a living.) The trend among most journalists and analysts who cover the NFL is to demean the role the gambler plays in the success of the NFL and to speak ill of them as though everyone who wagers on NFL games is somehow a degenerate gambler. I don't usually gamble on the NFL and I still watch a large number of games. There are many people who only watch the games because they have money on them. It is legal to bet on the games in Las Vegas. The NFL knows this, but publicly acts as though they don't encourage or condone gambling. The NFL is what it is today due in large part to gambling legal or otherwise. The NFL may not have to acknowledge it publicly, but there are millions of hard-working Americans spending their money to bet on football games and they have the right to know the NFL understands they are a large segment of the fan base whom the NFL takes seriously. Instead they are mocked and treated like they are the uncle to whom the NFL is embarrassed to admit they are related. The Steelers won the game so it is easy to dismiss the bad call as meaningless. Just wait NFL until Thanksgiving when you have to eat dinner with that uncle that you are ashamed to be associated with and your wife yells at you because your aunt and uncle lost their house because of that bad call the official made. Who will be embarrassed then?

Well actually in the hypothetical scenario you should probably tell your wife that you will discuss it tomorrow. Do not mention that she is being unreasonable because she had too much to drink and that when she sobers up she will realize that your uncle shouldn't have bet his house on a football game. She will likely realize this on her own tomorrow and maybe she will even be willing to issue a public apology. This will of course be little consolation if you didn't take my advice and instead insisted on arguing with her. She has probably already made a scene in front of your entire family, thrown you out of the house and called your work to tell them how they should all be ashamed of themselves for costing your uncle his house. Like the NFL if you had gotten it right to begin with you would not have to deal with the ugly repercussions the next day. Another decision she regrets today is that after you argued with her and she threw you out she invited your aunt and uncle to stay with you until they got their finances in order. Upon further review it is time to send your wife to rehab for her drinking, your uncle to rehab for his gambling and of course it is time to send your officials for lasix corrective eye surgery. Yes that is in fact a modern version of the old joke about officials needing glasses. I understand it still a terrible joke in its new form and is akin to re-releasing a bad claymation movie made by an untalented high school student in high-definition. That being said everyone who watched that play at home knew they blew the call. The official went into the booth and watched it in high-def and still blew the call. Unless you want your uncle living with you or your marriage to be in trouble I suggest to you to make sure this sort of error does not take place in the future.

Breaking News: Surprise Merger

With the economy apparently in a never-ending downward spiral yet another merger between 2 massive corporations appears imminent. Sirius Satellite Radio recently merged with XM Radio to become Sirius XM. Now the combined company is merging with Lee Jeans. The news came as a major surprise as it was initially unclear why these two companies who produce entirely different products would merge. Rumors at first were that the the CEO of Sirius XM thought the name Sirius-Lee XM Radio and Jeans had a nice ring to it. This of course led to furious outcries from stockholders of Sirius XM who demanded that CEO Mel Karmazin be fired. The CEO dismissed the rumor that the merger was only due to his afinity for the name of the newly-company.

"That is outrageous that anyone would say I acquired Lee Jeans solely to change the name of the company to Sirius-Lee XM Radio. In fact that isn't even going to be the name of the new company. The name is going to be Sirius XM-Lee Jeans and Radios. So that proves it right there that anyone who said that we did it just for the name was just looking to stir up trouble. We had talks with several companies who manufacture jeans and a few companies that produced other products, but really this was the best deal for everyone involved. I assure all of our stockholders this was done in the best interest of both companies and you will soon see the synergy these two corporations becoming one will create. I know that we have greatly increased subscriber growth in the past due to our agreements with most of the major auto-manufacturers that placed Sirius XM radios in new and used cars all over the country. Recently the inability of most Americans to get the necessary credit to buy a car due to the economic crisis has forced us to get creative in order to make sure we saw continued subscriber growth despite the obvious economic difficulties going on in the country. So effective immediately every pair of Lee Jeans that is sold will come with a free Sirius XM-Lee Radio. We also have been working on making a pair of jeans that has a built in satellite radio, but we still have some work to do. We have to decide whether to make a waterproof radio or just tell people not to wash their jeans. We are in the process of pitching these ideas to focus groups and hope to have an announcement in the near future. We will also be adding a new Lee Jeans channel that we feel will add increased value to our subscribers. In addition we have agreed to a multi-year deal with Howard Stern to wear Lee Jeans exclusively and promote them as much as he promotes himself and Sirius XM. This is an historic day for our company and I am proud to be the CEO of the newly-formed Sirius XM-Lee Jeans and Radios."

Although publicly the CEO said all the right things privately it was said he was not pleased that he had to change the name of the company from the one that made him covet acquiring Lee Jeans in the first place. A source who spoke on the condition of anonymity said Mr. Karmazin said "If I had known we would have to call it Sirius XM-Lee Radio & Jeans I never would have bought the company. Who would want to own a company with a name like that? Come on people you know that was the sole reason for the acquisition. I mean seriously."

Something For the Ladies

I posted a new profile photo the other day. The results were not up to the strict standards normally adhered to here at Blogger of La Mancha. The main idea behind posting the new photo was to show off the outstanding new goatee I have grown. I blame the photographer for the quality of the first picture. The photographer is a talented man, but he is clearly not a professional photographer. Not to sound conceited but obviously it was not the fault of the subject as I looked in the mirror that day and let's just say the picture did not do me justice. I think the lighting was not good and also the bottom of my chin was cutoff making it look like I just had a mustache and not a goatee. As funny as it might be if I just had a mustache that is not the case. Also as I noted on my Myspace page the photo made me look like I had been up all night on a meth binge. I have posted a number of pictures above. Let me know which one I should use as my new profile picture. Also although I am flattered that so many of the female readers of this blog requested pictures of me in various stages of undress I am sorry to say that I am not going to post any such pictures on this page. If you do a google search there are plenty of them out there.

How to build a better blog?

I haven't posted anything in a few days. Usually if I did not have anything I felt was worth posting I would not post at all, but in this case I will make an exception. I am new to the blogging game and therefore I am still trying to figure out ways to make this blog better. It is difficult to get new readers. I struggle trying to get friends and family to sign up to follow the blog at this point. Some have suggested trying to get someone from a more popular blog to give me a shout out, but I really would like to improve the blog a great deal before trying to attract a larger number of viewers. What good would it do if I got hundreds of people to view my blog if it wasn't entertaining enough to entice them to come back again. So far I am resisting sharpening the focus of the blog to only one or even just a few topics. I think it would bore me to just write about sports or politics or something else exclusively and if it bores me it is not likely to excite many readers. I will probably try to incorporate more pictures, links and videos in the future, but I really don't want to be one of those sites that just posts a bunch of you tube videos. Here is a link to a funny one though

or this one which is a re-imagining of the initial one

It is funnier if you know who Joe Scarborough is but either way it worth a few minutes of your time. For those who don't know he is a Conservative Republican who used to be a congressman, but now hosts a show called Morning Joe on MSNBC. The second video is funny, but also creepy as noted by one of the comments underneath the video when the video's creator plays the part of Joe in the video she looks like Clay Aiken's doppelganger.

In other news a friend of mine sent me a link to a British blog that he thought I might like. I read the first few postings and was mildly interested at best until I came upon one of his posts that recommended a reality television show that just showed footage of people trying to go through the self-checkout line in the grocery store. I think it is a great idea. At first it seems like a funny idea that would not work in reality, but the more I thought about it the more I thought this would be one of the better shows on television. Of course if it was pitched to one of the major television stations in the United States they would end up changing the idea to be about all of the employees in the supermarket. They would then hire models to work at the supermarket. They would of course write scripts for them and create drama like they do on that show that the Hills which has inexplicably attracting the attention of a large segment of the American population. I was going to say it had attracted the imagination of the American public, but clearly there is nothing imaginative about that show. Seriously though just stick cameras and microphones in the self-checkout aisle. No need to create any unnecessary subplots or to try to create drama other than to just record the natural drama that occurs at supermarket self-checkout aisles all over the world. I hate reality television for the most part, but I think this idea deserves a shot at becoming reality. Here is a link to the blog mentioned above if you are interested in reading more about his idea. I haven't had a chance to read too much more of his stuff, but that article alone made put it in my bookmarks. http://rhodri.livejournal.com/

As always feel free to post a comment. It could be a suggestion as to how to make my blog better or about anything else that you want to say. I really do appreciate any feedback and I am open to suggestions no matter how strange they may be. I don't know if you have read some of the comments. One of them was from my friend Ryan who suggested that I should start smoking again. He is a friend and a fellow blogger who also happens to be the one who introduced me to blogger. Maybe his suggestion will make more sense after you read his post that discusses his recent re-entry into the wonderful world of smoking. I think it is probably analogous to someone deciding to switch to a gas heater after years of using electric heat, not in the sense that it is worse for your lungs but that electric heat is much cheaper. I assume he meant it in to be in jest so I will stop making fun of him and will provide a link to his blog. Of course he is one of the 4 official followers of the blog so it will not likely be more than a symbolic show of support for his blog. http://belletristica.blogspot.com/

Wwaid a minute

I understand the title of this post appears at first glance to be some sort of typo or a sign that I may be the worst speller to ever have his own blog. Let me assure that it was not a typo and I am in fact an exceptional speller. I had initially planned to make the topic of this post about my New Year's resolution to stop making idiotic decisions. After thinking about it for awhile I changed it to wwaid a minute. I know that seems to be an idiotic decision which shows that I have not stopped making such bad decisions, but of course it is not New Years yet and I think it is actually a better title.

WWJD? That stands for what would Jesus do. I don't think many people who ask this question really do something that appears to be in sync with what I know of Jesus, but I am not writing this to tell people how to practice their religious faith. I mean seriously I am probably not the person you would go to for religious counsel. If you are religious you should probably go to a priest or some other person who is religious. Whether you are religious or not I think it is entirely to much to expect of yourself to emulate the son of god. I think you would probably be better off finding a more realistic role model with whom to compare yourself. So rather than trying to think of what someone you idolize would do under similar circumstances I think it would be more helpful to think of someone whose behavior you would not want to follow. I don't have any particular person in mind so instead I will say instead of asking yourself what Jesus would do ask yourself what would an idiot do or wwaid a minute. Before you say that now you finally understand how I have come to make some of the decisions I have made, realize that I meant ask yourself the question and if you decide that said decision is one that an idiot would have made then you don't do it. Also I just thought of this today in order to make sure I avoid making bad decisions going forward.

Maybe it doesn't apply in every decision you make, but there are certainly instances where I believe it will help me. Let's take say for example you are about to make an extremely impulsive decision and are doing so without really thinking it through. Just say to yourself wwaid a minute and just take a minute or maybe a few minutes to consider if you are doing something that an idiot would do. I don't want to brag about my intelligence level, but I think most of you would at least say I am not an idiot. Despite not being an idiot I make decisions that sometimes have me scratching my head afterward. Now maybe you are saying to yourself what if I am an idiot how do I know if I am making a decision that an idiot would make? Well let me just say first that was a hypothetical question and was not intended to be directed at anyone currently reading this blog as everyone I know who reads this blog is certainly not an idiot. I mean they obviously have good taste. I do hold out hope that in the future this will be an extremely popular blog and that maybe there will be an idiot or two who is reading the old postings. So what I would suggest for you if you think you might actually be an idiot is to consider what one of your more rational or smarter friends might say if you told them what you had done. Let's say you were you planning on running the Boston Marathon, but you had decided to make it more interesting you were going to get drunk before the race. Now maybe this seems like a clever idea to you, but what would this friend of yours whose advice you respect say to you. Maybe he or she wouldn't ask you if you were an idiot but it would most likely be something similar.

Well as usual it was a great pleasure to post this for all of my wonderful readers. Yes I realize that it will likely be read by a maximum of five people, but I like to consider the quality of the reader rather than the quantity. I would like to continue as I feel there is much more to be said on this topic, but now I must go. I am going to go take a bath. I also have a craving for toast so I am going to bring the toaster in the bathroom and set it up on the ledge of the tub. That is what is called multitasking my friends. Yeah I know that is pretty smart. Wwaid a minute...

John Daly Ultimate Pitchman?

Due to my recent interest in Nascar, and also quite possibly the best show currently on television Mad Men, I have become more cognizant of advertising and it's effectiveness. Most companies do not want someone too controversial to endorse their product. They do of course want a pitchman to be someone the audience relates to, and it is preferable to have someone that the consumer believes would actually use your product. It was reported recently that golfer John Daly passed out drunk in an North Carolina Hooters and had to spend 24 hours in jail to sober up. I am writing this not to condemn John Daly for his public drunkenness as it would be hypocritical of me since I have been drunk in public a few times myself. I write this instead to consider how I would feel if I were an executive at Hooters and also because I want to think about something other than politics on the eve of the Presidential Election.

John Daly was sponsored by Hooters for years while on the PGA Tour. This was not exactly a sponsor you would expect for a professional golfer. Most golfers are sponsored by insurance companies or some other non-controversial organization. Tiger Woods is sponsored by Buick. I can't possibly imagine him being as enthusiastic about Buicks as Daly is about Hooters. I would have been more surprised if Tiger Woods had gotten a speeding ticket and it was reported that he was driving a Buick than I was to find out Daly was passed out drunk in a Hooters. My guess is Tiger probably complains to his agent privately about not having signed an endorsement deal with Mercedes or BMW or just about any other car manufacturer instead of Buick. Who knows if he does actually drive a Buick, but my guess is if he does he isn't happy about it what guy do you know under 60 who drives a Buick on purpose. On the other hand it would not surprise me if during the negotiations John Daly agreed to accept a lifetime supply of chicken wings and beer in lieu of money. If that is the case maybe that explains why some Hooters have closed throughout the country.

In order to survive in Nascar every team must have sponsorships from major corporations. One of the minor sponsors of Tony Stewart's for the last few years is Subway. Without going into too much detail for those of you who do not know who Tony is, let's just say he is not among the most physically fit in Nascar. Subway has made a point of putting Jared, the guy who lost a significant amount of weight eating almost exclusively at Subway, in their advertisements over the last few years. Jared has been an effective spokesperson and has helped Subway in their effort to position themselves as a healthier alternative to some other fast food restaraunts, but when he is alongside Tony Stewart it undercuts the message a little. Maybe Tony Stewart eats at Subway but he it isn't likely he is following Jared's diet. Starting next year Subway will be a sponsor of Carl Edwards who is by most accounts the most physically fit driver in Nascar. That would seem to be a better fit with the image they are trying to portray. This is where the problem comes in for Hooters. There used to be one in my area and I went there a few times to watch football. It is a really strange atmosphere. On the one hand it is a sports bar where many of the waitresses are one step away from working at strip clubs. That is not a shot at the waitresses at Hooters I happen to have a reliable source in the strip club industry who confirmed that information. The problem isn't that the waitresses are one step away from working at a strip club, the problem is that they also market it as a family restaurant at the same time. So at one table you will have a creepy middle-aged guy trying to pick up the waitress and at the next table will be a birthday party for a 12 year-old boy. This was hilariously lampooned in a South Park episode a few years back in which the boys of South Park became obsessed with their waitresses at their local Hooters-like restaurant.

I don't think you can have it both ways or maybe you can, but you probably shouldn't. You probably shouldn't try to be a family restaurant and a place for men to ogle half-naked women. Hooters knew who John Daly was when they endorsed him. He is overweight. He is an alcoholic. He has had a few failed marriages and he likes to gamble. He is the exact guy they should be targeting at Hooters. When I was 12 or 13 I probably would have enjoyed going to Hooters, but not if I had to go with my parents. When I was 13 I started smoking, but that was probably because Joe Camel advertised for their product. I probably wouldn't have gone to Hooters just because John Daly went there. I can't even think of an athlete or celebrity who could have convinced me to go to Hooters when I was 13 mostly just because I haven't been 13 for such a long time not because I wouldn't have wanted to go, as obviously one commercial with a buxom Hooters girl likely would have done the trick. My guess is someone today who would convince that demographic to go to a Hooters would be Harry Potter if he was sponsored by Hooters. I just realized after I wrote this that Harry has an owl that sends him messages in the movie so that would make him an even better pitchman. There are rumors that he is gay though that could lead to his endorsement being less than credible. Of course a few stories of him passing out at Hooters after sexually harassing a few waitresses would do wonders to quite down those rumors. I'm not saying that Harry Potter or Hooters would or should agree to such an agreement, although Joe Camel did wonders for Camel.

Ultimately if they decided to market to the younger demographic instead they should probably get rid of the beer and put more clothes on the waitresses, of course then it would basically be Chuckie Cheese with football games. That's not exactly a bad idea at least those fathers who had to take their kids to Chuckie Cheese would get to watch football instead of a dancing rat. As good as that sounds it is probably a bad idea as bringing your kid to Chuckie Cheese on his birthday is about doing what he wants not what you want. Going to Hooters is about getting away from your family for a few hours watching some football with your friends, drinking beers and eating some chicken wings served by a scantily clad waitress. It is sort of like the separation of church and state. There may be some who think it is a good idea to mix politics and religion, but we have laws against that sort of thing even if they aren't enforced. I think we should propose a separation of sports bars and family-themed restaurants. Bring junior to Chuckie Cheese or if he is a little too old for Chuckie Cheese have a party somewhere other than Hooters. I'm sure the last thing you want for your son's birthday is for him to have to hear his parents fighting the whole ride home because his mom caught his dad ogling the waitress or even worse to have to explain to him why his favorite golfer or movie wizard passed out after trying unsuccessfully and quite graphically to pick up the waitress. I do know that if someone filmed Daly's night at Hooters it may have been as great a marketing campaign as David Hasselhoff had when he did that advertisement for Wendy's. It inspired millions to get drunk and eat Wendy's on their living room floor and also helped sell millions of Hasselholf's albums all over the world so maybe any publicity is good publicity.

Editor's notes: The previous column is the opinion of the author of this blog and most likely his alone. Although it may not be clear and he hasn't admitted it to us it appears much of this was said in jest. The author seems to be using irony when stating that Harry Potter should be used in a similar fashion to the way Joe Camel was used to promote cigarettes when he was younger apparently to point out the absurdity of the restaurant being marketed as a family restaurant and sports bar. The use of the rumors about the actor playing Harry Potter being gay where used only for comedic purposes and were not meant to lend any credence to these rumors, not that their is anything wrong with that. Also while David Hasselhoff's viral video, that was posted by his kids on the internet as an attempt to get him to sober up, was viewed by many on the web there is no evidence to support that it was sponsored by Wendy's or that it influenced the sale of his music in anyway. Finally I would just like to state that although I am not paid anything by the author of this blog and despite his repeated firings and re-hireings of me I continue to edit the blog when necessary because he is too often willing to post things that he knows are factually inaccurate in an attempt to get a laugh. Despite my repeated pleadings he often refuses to make it clear that he is joking. Maybe he is actually serious, but it helps me sleep at night to think otherwise. He can't possibly think that Hasselhoff video was a Wendy's advertisement. It was funny, but no one would want to eat a hamburger after watching that video.