Here is an excerpt from an article from the National Geographic's online News by Andrew Farzekas describing an interesting alignment of the heavens that will occur tonight.
Skywatchers across the world are in for a celestial treat
Monday night as two of the brightest naked-eye planets, Venus
and Jupiter, join a thin crescent moon to create a brief "unhappy face" in the
sky. The planets appeared closest together—an event known as a planetary
conjunction—Sunday night.
I am no expert on the subject of astrology, but if I am not mistaking when Venus and Jupitor are aligned with the moon in such a way that it creates an "unhappy face" we are all in deep shit. Surprisingly the horoscope in my local newspaper did not have an apocryphal tone to it. Since they are obviously the foremost experts in the field as evidenced by their publication in a highly-respected newspaper and I am a novice at such predictions I will give them the benefit of the doubt in this instance.
Here is another excerpt from a later part of the article.
In fact, some historians think that a similar conjunction between Jupiter and
Venus in 2 B.C. may be the source of the "star of Bethlehem" story related in the
Bible. The stellar pair would have appeared so close together, scholars think,
that they might have seemed to meld into one brilliant beacon of light.
Well I will ignore the biblical implications and instead focus on what we are all thinking. How will this affect the powers of the people on the highly-rated documentary Heroes? Instead of just wondering I have managed to secure an interview with the famed Dr. Mohinder Suresh. For the purposes of this post let's just say I did anyway.
Q: Dr. Suresh it is a pleasure to interview a man who is clearly on the bleeding-edge of genetics research. Also I think you may be the most effective narrator since Morgan Freeman. Before we get into more serious questions I wonder why there has not been some sort of cross-promotional synergy between Heroes and either McDonald's or Burger King. I remember constantly seeing commercials when I was growing up promoting the latest happy meal toy from some Disney movie or the Ghostbusters.
A: You've got to be pulling my leg. I am a man of science. I am taking time away from my valuable research to answer your questions if you continue asking imbecillic questions like this I will be forced to cut this interview short.
Q: I apologize Dr. Suresh I am a great admirer of your work as I have noted already. Let me see ok I will rip up my next question as I was going to ask you about your relationship with suspected mass murder Maya... I'm sorry I don't know her last name. I am going to have to fire all of my interns and assistants. Actually I don't have any I should probably hire some. I wanted to impress you so I said that to make it seem as though I am more successful than I actuall am. I am sorry about that. Anyway like I said I am not going to ask that question because I don't want to end up in a cocoon. Don't you think it is dangerous for everyone to have super abilities. We have already seen evidence of what can go wrong if these powers are in the wrong hands.
A: That is similar to the debate that has been going on around the world regarding gun control. We know there are some criminals who have powers that will use their wonderful abilites for ill and there are some who will use them for good. If you make them illegal then only the bad guys will have the abilities. What makes someone become a hero instead of becoming a villian is one of the fundemental questions I ask myself everyday. Each week on Monday nights at 9:00 on NBC tune in to see the fascinating stories of heroes and villians and perhaps you will have a greater understanding of why this research is so crucial.
Q: Wow for someone who claims to be all about his research you do a pretty good job of self-promotion. We saw how the eclipse took away the powers of those with special abilities do you think this new celestial phenomenon being described by experts as an unhappy face will cause a similar disruption of the powers of the extra-abled or will there be a different result entirely?
A: I wish I knew the answer to your question. We are working to find the answer to this and other great mysteries tune in this Monday at 9:00 for more answers.
Q: Wow you are quite possibly more shameless than Dr. Phil although obviously your medical credentials were not won as a prize in a crackerjack box. Please as a favor to me read this narration I have written for a hypothetical commercial I wrote for a Heroes-McDonald's promotion.
A: Alright I am doing this only because I believe that if we had McDonald's considerable funding and research capabilities it would greatly enhance our current research. I for one am in awe of the great work they did in coming up with their special sauce. I don't know that it has been successfully duplicated and despite the great efforts by those who would like to have their hands on it no one has come across this secret formula.
In every man's life he faces a great dilemna. Will he choose the righteous path or will he instead choose villainy. Of course any true Hero will choose to go to McDonalds over its competitors as McDonalds is a force for good in the world as evidenced by the Ronald McDonald House Charity. The tough decision is whether to get a tasty 6 piece chicken nugget made with all juicy succulent white meat or to get a full quarter pound of beef with or without cheese depending on whether you were born with the ability to digest dairy. Of course if you are in fact a genuine hero then you deserve the mother of all burgers the Big Mac. Peter Petrelli eats them all the time don't you want to grow up to be as powerful as him? Stop by your local McDonalds today and for a limited time you can get a Hero of your own for only $4.99 with the purchase of any value meal.
Q: Is there anything that you cannot make sound incredibly important?
A: I will leave it to others to decide that, but don't forget to watch Heroes Mondays at 9 on NBC where every question you have will be answered. If you don't watch the world as we know it may be forever altered as you watched every episode in the utoptian future that was recently described to me by my friend Hiro Nakamura and by not watching it in the present the Butterfly Effect will take effect and for all we know this may cause the world as we know it to cease to exist.
Q: I don't have any more questions, but let me just say I seriously hope you are a Hero because I would hate to imagine the implications of a great narrator gone bad. Could you imagine if Morgan Freeman used his great oratory skills to convince people that Andy Dufresne was actually a villain. I shudder to think of a world where such a thing is possible.
3 comments:
I do just love the Surresh voice, and how it is kind of like a Jerry Springer sign-off with "depth"
I hate the new chicken nuggets Shawnie.I liked them better when they used dark meat as they had more flavor...and what the fuck ever happened to honey!?how can you eat chicken nuggets without honey?
I've turned my back on Mickey D's and have dedicated my life to my bacon and eggs,coronary be damned.
I used to scoff at you for liking corned beef and hash, but I have grown to agree with you on that one, but as far as your habit of frying the eggs in bacon grease goes I cannot condone such a practice.
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